Seeking advice, building judgment

In my twenties, I had enough confidence to think I'd probably be right about how things would play out. But when it came to actual decisions, I tended to defer. The previous generation had lived through more, had seen cycles I hadn't, and that seemed like the kind of thing worth weighting heavily.

For things that were really personal to me though, it turned out I was usually right. And in some cases the people I'd deferred to came around to agreeing later.

Part of what I think was going on is that I was looking for advice in black and white, when most situations sit somewhere in shades of gray. The right shade depends on the specifics of where you are, and the only person with full access to those specifics is you. Advice can sharpen how you see a situation, but it can't replace the seeing.

One read is that experience compounds in some areas and doesn't transfer cleanly to others. Another is that being inside a situation gives you signal that no amount of past experience can fully replace. Probably some of both.

Judgment is something to refine, not outsource. When you're the one living something, your reading of it is worth more than someone else's view from outside.